Journal writing from this morning~
Seeing my emotional self more clearly these days.
Understanding my triggers and the events that initiated them to begin with.
I am learning to let go.
Found a video online of an old friend of mine who I stopped talking to years ago because of her toxic behavior, and had a good cry with the understanding that her suicide a few months back was beyond my control, that I never could have saved her, and that sometimes we think we’ve let go of things but still take them for granted.
I am looking at my deep yearning for acceptance despite my rebellious, “i don’t care what anyone thinks” attitude.
I am seeing the places where I’ve hardened and how they served the illusions of strength and resilience.
Illusion is powerfully intoxicating.
Learning to take care of myself without excuse or apology.
Learning to identify, soften into and trust Truth.
Learning to receive the lessons of my ancestors without repeating their karma.
Learning to get out of my own way and to soothe anxiety with breath and redirecting my mind to presence.
Learning to see fear and sit with it like an old, misunderstood friend.
Learning that boundaries are necessary, including with myself.
Learning to let love do as it wishes, which it inevitably will do anyways, for all of space & time eternal.